Dear Members -
We have seen different points of view on this topic. In general, everybody agrees that mutual respect is the first step in starting a relationship between families.
Since we haved debated this topic at length (including this set of responses), we shall not proceed further with this topic in this forum. Hope everyone appreciate the point.
/ Moderator
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Well, as parent of a girl, and reading through the posts of prospectives bridegrooms parents, I pity and feel sad to tell, that there are parents who have refused the
proposal of my daughter for they dont want to the girl to study further or she is not a software engineer, etc. Why are the grooms parents writing only negative aspects they are coming across or are not able to accept the change that is happenings with the SHAKTI AGE taking the turn....?
Has anyone thought of the situation two decades back when the grooms side had upper hand and had made the brides parents dance to their tunes ? Do they really
want to even now stamp brides under their legs ? It is the reward of their own action that the ratio of females have reducedwith that of males. Ask them to take a statistics of how many female feotus was aborted 20 to 25 years ago, how many daughters in law were cursed and ill treated for not begetting a son ? Little did they realise then that a day wouold come when they have to requesting for a girl for their son.....
Keeping all actions and reactions in mind, let there be no bias of bride or groom... when you walk on the road, there are ups and downs.... best is learn to forget the incidences that did not suit you and walk your life, not blaming brides parents or grooms parents..atleast now, wake up all parents and look at your children as a child not as a boy or girl...
Explanations and blame game can go on and on with examples of misbehaviour from both sides. What we got to learn is ignore the unwanted happenings and move ahead and look for a partner for your child ..no matter a bride or groom come to this level of understanding and I am sure you will find your suitable match, without fail.
Sulochana Mohan sumoshee@gmail.com
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I am in this group from past 2 year. Initially I joined to find a suitable partner, now from past one and half year I am just continuing to update the latest demand from girls side. Not fully blaming them then also they have a huge responsibility for this current situation, earlier all fighted against for the "dowry" me also told my parents to search and find a girl and we should not ask even 1 rupee also. But becz of huge demand from girls side , I am realising only huge dowry system can control this bargaining situation.
Apart from this I have few serious questions, I hope somebody can answer for this.
1) If our society not accepting us then is it necessary to stay and sacrifice our life for neglecting community ?
2) I am still unmarried becz lot of other dream and ambitions, so not worried, but Once I settled I will seriously think that is it necessary to choose only brahmin girl ?
3) All need well settled. If well settled then marriage is not necessary we know how to run the life peacefully once after settled well.
4) Once I got reply from the parents of girl that my daughter salary is higher than ur salary, so later it will create problems in life. I simply replied once reaching ur daughter salary will give reply. They thinking we marrying money, who need their salary, let themm keep it, but dont bargain with money while marriage come, if its from boy side or girl side its really stupdity.
4) Once I got reply from the parents of girl that my daughter salary is higher than ur salary, so later it will create problems in life. I simply replied once reaching ur daughter salary will give reply. They thinking we marrying money, who need their salary, let themm keep it, but dont bargain with money while marriage come, if its from boy side or girl side its really stupdity.
5) Now telling all un married boys, you all have open doors in other community, and if you still need brahmin girl, wait a bit more, you will get the same girl after sometime with innocent divorcee label.
6) Parents are playing crucial role here, not blaming them but there is a limitation for considering the marriage as a business deal.
7) Forget all, think about vadhyar community, they are not getting girls, if they marry other varna they will loose their job too. If the things will move like this within short period of time government can keep a "poonul wearing stuffed body" in the museum to tel the coming generation that some years back a community called brahmin existed in this country.
BABU babuk001@gmail.com
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I too sincerely agree with the views expressed by few of following interested parents or friends. These days though the percentagewise girls are short in numbers, they are very chooosy as well because of the reasons given below. They (the girls) are even very particular in the height of the 'groom.
I had my personal experience in this regard. One girls h/cope agreed and both my son and the girl did inter-act few times. V both side parents were very happy from the views of both girl and boy that they gave their green singnal to further proceed in the matter.After 2 - 3 days my son got an email fm the girl expressing her views that she is not able to consider since according to her my son is 1 cm shorter than the girl, i.e. the girl is 169 cms and my son is 168 cms. Thus further proceedings on this were put an end to it. When I talked to her parents, they opined that she is the only daughter of theirs n hence they do not want to go against her wish. Such kind of attitudes should also be given up by the boys and girls since girls/boys should realise as to how much both side parents are worried for such silly issues.
Thanks for having given an opportunity to express my views as well in this.
S. RAMAKRISHNAN/BANGALORE
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I definitely agree with some of the members who have narrated the plight of the Palghat/Tamil Iyer Grooms & family. Father of a bride is a puppet, mother is the supreme power and the girl - Almighty. They want to know height, weight, colour, blood group, food habit, income, family, so on & so forth. This is ruining the stature of the community. Is being a Gentleman not a trait to be proud of ? Bride earning a paltry Rs 4,000/- is demanding a groom with professional qualification and Rs 50,000/-. You can visit ssmatri.net to get an idea of the psedo brahmin demands. My earnest request to these bride group is to be reasonable, as there will be a time when you will have no identity of your own to call in the not so distant future. |
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I am looking for my daughter's marriage for more than three years.
The problems that u had written is 100% correct.
The innocent boys wearing simple pant and shirt and girls dress code and the hair styles and the westen outlooks having drinks and smoking and roaming with boys is now a days seen on front of us.
God please Help.
Thank u
The problems that u had written is 100% correct.
The innocent boys wearing simple pant and shirt and girls dress code and the hair styles and the westen outlooks having drinks and smoking and roaming with boys is now a days seen on front of us.
God please Help.
Thank u
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Brahmins have no salvation until they come out of the delusions concerning costly silksarees,golden ornaments,seer bakshanam etc.More importance should be given to family values,culture leave alone the religious aspect of every marriage.TV and cinema have taken their toll on our community also as our girls presume that their husbands should have features of salman khan,sharukh khan or any other khan.Marriage is a big business and every body plays safely looting the parents.When communities like marwaris share the marriage expenses in our community the entire burden rests on bride side which is not desirable.Boy side also should voluntarily submit their share of money and responsibility and ensure that marriage ends in success.
sivaramanramachandraniyer@gmail.com
sivaramanramachandraniyer@gmail.com
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I being one of the officials of Kerala Brahmana Sabha wish to tell the following.
I am saravanan, aged 32 years employed in a Public Limited Company as Junior Executive-Secretarial. My parents are looking for a giirl for me for the past 4 or five years, but nothing has so far not materialised. I do not know what is wrong with me or people like us. Only, if we are pointed out what is wrong, efforts can be taken for correcting it
So far, I think the community has not changed. In the brahmin community itself, there are thousands of sub castes like chozhia, vadama etc and a number of Gotrhrams.
So I appeal to all the members particularly parents to ignore this vadama/ chozhia. If this exercise is started, at least we can reduce the number of chronic bachelors like me. In fact, in the Annual General Meeting of Kerala Brahmana Sabha, we have voiced this thing. How far it is going to be, it needs to be ascertained.
The parents of girls should think. Every coin has twp sides. In Bangalore itself, I read in Vanitha one year or back about ladies visiting pubs and Bars including Beer parlours. All this because of the attitude of parents of girs. If they make a right step in the direction, by initiating Hindu culture at the childhood istelf, it would not have happened.
I humbly request all the members to ponder over the issue.
saravanan
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The real position in our community no body can identify.
One side is,the parents with earning girl, they are put one maximum standard for boys, even if the standard was comes closer,the parents put flame on astrologer. the parents has not ready to lose the earnings, i have talk more than 1000 girls side no body has to answer properply all the parents has said if suits we will call you.
On the other hand the parents is very poor and not able to perform the marriage, they have also not ready to open mounth and if they explain their real position to the boys side, the boy side given suitable marriage guidence.
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I am aged 39 years.I am a graduate and working for a publishing company in the marketing department.I am looking for a bride for the past 7 years.Looking at the current situation I have lost interest in marriage and I am even thinking of staying single for the rest of my life.
Unless girls and their parents change their out look about the bridegroom situation is not going to improve.
K.Chidambaranath,Madurai
kchidambaranath@yahoo.com
Unless girls and their parents change their out look about the bridegroom situation is not going to improve.
K.Chidambaranath,Madurai
kchidambaranath@yahoo.com
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It is perfectly true--the bargain is from the girl's side--they want a toy as a husband--not a life partner
they are not willing to give him equal status for, they are either a Phd., professor or scientist--they
are less human than most of the boys waiting to get a life partner. they count on age difference,
location of job, status etc.than looking for family values and adherence to our heritage
WHEN WILL THIS END ?
vaidyanathan
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I am father of bride:
I have one daugter only my daughter is professionally qualified. Bridegrooms should understand that they are equal partners. They should also agree to treat and give respect to girl's parents as their own parents. They should not think that they have upper hand because they are bridegroom and their parents are superior than girls' parents. Girls' parents are also taking so much difficulties and sacrificing many things to bring their daughter up and to make her study. This point should also to be appreciated by bridgegroom and their parents. In our community all the expenses to be borne by bride's family and the parent has to spend his lifelong earning for getting his daughter married. So Bridegroom's parents should also come forward and to be reasonable and to contribute equal amount for marraige.
They (including bridegroom) should not treat Bride's parents as inferior.
Regards
metazinc@yahoo.com
I have one daugter only my daughter is professionally qualified. Bridegrooms should understand that they are equal partners. They should also agree to treat and give respect to girl's parents as their own parents. They should not think that they have upper hand because they are bridegroom and their parents are superior than girls' parents. Girls' parents are also taking so much difficulties and sacrificing many things to bring their daughter up and to make her study. This point should also to be appreciated by bridgegroom and their parents. In our community all the expenses to be borne by bride's family and the parent has to spend his lifelong earning for getting his daughter married. So Bridegroom's parents should also come forward and to be reasonable and to contribute equal amount for marraige.
They (including bridegroom) should not treat Bride's parents as inferior.
Regards
metazinc@yahoo.com
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